My Name Is….WTF??

SPOILER ALERT!

I would recommend people to first read Taran Adarsh’s Review of My Name is Khan (henceforth mentioned as MNIK) and then read IyerDeepaks review of Mr. Taran Adarsh’s review.

I do not like dirty politics. And of lately, there is a lot of it going on in Maharashtra. The gang of Bal and Raj (henceforth mentioned as BTRT) have been using ‘territorial’ screening and discrimination of people with all their Maharashtrian Manoos Bullshit. They have been doing this for quite some time (even before SRK got into the controversy) – and i reviewed this earlier here.

MNIK has been riddled in controversy for quite some time too. It all started when SRK was detained at some US airport for a security check (which we all later came to know was valid, considering his sponsors were swindling money somewhere..) – where the situation was used to bring out the fact that MNIK is about racial screening of muslims by the US post 9/11. And then the BTRT and SRK controversy happened. I stand by SRK on that though. And i hope that he does not bow down to the pressure and keeps his word. It would actually make me respect him as a person – because as an actor, he has completely lost it.

Whatever crap BTRT might be giving – but i think, for a change they have got at least one thing right – MNIK should not be released. Period. Not just in Mumbai, but anywhere. I have just got out of the theatre after three agonizing hours (which were filled more with twitter and facebook updates) of MNIK – and around a 100AED lighter on my wallet.

Lets see how this movie would’ve been made –

SRK :- U know what KJO – i think we should make a movie on racial screening by the US – everybody is doing it and succeeding. There was New York – and now the other guys are making Kurbaan…

KJO :- yo dude! – i think thats a rocking idea. But we cant do just the poor cliched muslim guy thing – we have to get it more interesting. And yeah – don’t forget – it will have to be shot in the US – after all, they are the biggest racial profilers, after the thakereys – and we cant use them, otherwise they will ban the movie!

SRK : – What about we make ME have some physical/mental problem – u know that would make people feel even more emotional for me?

KJO :- Brilliant idea! Why don’t you try copy Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump?? Or better still – why don’t we make a remake of Forest Gump – with the racial discrimination bit thrown in?

SRK :- Oh yeah dude! – now youre getting somewhere! And lets rope Kajol in – but yeah – please remember – 95% of screen time belongs to me – and Kajol does that crying bit really well – so lets make her lose someone real close to her – how about a son from a previous marriage? Who is murdered because of the discrimination?

KJO :- Yo baby! we have a plan dude!

…And thats how the movie came about. Couldn’t have been any other reason to make the crappiest movie of all time!

The first half just keeps establishing the fact that Mr. Rizvan Khan (SRK) is an autistic. AS in – you tell us once. We can see it. STOP RUBBING IT IN! It has been overdone so much, that after some time- it just feels as if its a mockery. Imagine, there is a scene where SRK and Kajol are figuring out that they need to have sex – and lo behold – SRK pulls out ‘Intercourse for dummies’ – and proves his point by telling Kajol that it would take more than a minute!. I actually stopped feeling anything towards the fact that SRK is playing an autist – other than complete disgust.

Tom Hanks did it – and he did it well. Not once in Forrest Gump are you made to feel WTF is this guy doing. But in MNIK – you are made to ask that question every minute. Mr. KJO – please understand that Autistic people are not DUMB. Also – they do not walk like pansies! – Gays do that!

And so – SRK and Kajol (oh yes – she plays a Hindu) lose their son due to racial attacks post 9/11 – by a football shot. Yes. A football hitting him on the chest and rupturing his spleen (WTF??) And so Kajol throws SRK out – as its the KHAN that got her son killed. And so – Mr. Khan decides to go on a trip across america to meet the President of the US, so that he could tell him that ‘My name is Khan. And i am not a terrorist’. and apparently – this would make his wife accept him back. (WTF? you say? Trust me… im still making it sound a little better)

And so the second half involves Mr. Khan on a quest across america to meet the president – and on the way he keeps writing some shit to his wife in his diary and meets some crappy people (like mama jane and funny hair some guy) and yeah – ive even lost interest writing this review.

The problem with this movie is that they made it very very unreal – trying to potray a real scenario. They just kinduv lost the plot – or just did not have any. Khan trying to meet the president of US to get back to his wife is as unrealistic as one could get. Khan saving people from a hurricane – unrealistic. As in – everything in that movie is completely unbelievable. And thats where the movie loses it. No-one can relate to it. Because things like this in real life just do not happen –

1. That a woman who keeps saying no to a marriage, suddenly in a few hours changes her mind – because she saw a fogy san francisco.

2. That The President of the US would get a Mr. Khan on stage with his wife and talk to him the way it is shown. Total breach of security protocol.

3. That the US police officials do not take the dead dudes best friend for interrogation – ever.

As in – the story is so unrealistic, that it could take place only in a parallel universe. Enough said i guess. And yeah – the review might look confused. But i am. Still trying to figure out what the hell the movie was for – and still fighting the headache it gave me.

Final word – if MNIK and Himesh’s Aap kA Suroor were the last two DVD’s available in the world… i would pick Himesh. Content is everything. Melodrama isn’t. And overacting an unrealistic script – just doesn’t work.

1 comment for “My Name Is….WTF??

  1. February 13, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    how about .. the whole movie the doesnt shake his hands with anyone and then he does with the president … all disorders cured… and what was that shitty looking president . obama should sue KJO.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *